Cousins

I wish I could find an old picture of these two together.  This is my mom and her cousin, Edna.  Mom is 80 and Edna is 90.  Other than a quick visit at a funeral, the two hadn't spent any time together in many years.  Edna is still so sharp and uses Facebook so we arranged a lunch with her and her daughter and me and mom.

Mom and I got to Milford early and did some shopping first.  We wandered through Clothing Cover and then across the street to a few other shops.  It was a perfect summer day.  I was watching mom closely.  She had always loved shopping.  She drifted through the store with little interest and no focus.  Out on the sidewalk, I kept her close.  Her sure footed gait was gone and she has been tripping on air lately.

We had a wonderful lunch telling old stories.  Mom had lived with Edna and her sister for a few months when she was a toddler and her younger sister was born.  Edna talked about how excited she was to be able to take care of little mom!  Mom kept up her side of the conversation pretty well but after lunch I could tell she was tired from it.

We got in the car to drive her home and I asked her what was Edna's mom's name.  I thought I new but wasn't really sure.  Mom couldn't remember.  She got frustrated and told me that Edna's mom wasn't at lunch with us.  She said she didn't know Edna's mom. Then after another few minutes, she remembered it.  It was a perfect segue to talking to her about Alzheimers.

I asked her if she was glad they had moved back to Michigan from Florida.  She said, "Yes, most of the time".  I asked why not all the time.  She replied, "Well sometimes I get..." and drifted off.  So I pushed the button a little and asked her to explain.  I knew she had had several "nervous breakdowns" as dad called them.  I was hoping she would tell me about them.  I was wrong.

Mom got very agitated and frustrated and started to cry.  She accused me of talking behind her back and plotting against her.  She asked how I would feel if someone told me I was always "flubbing up". I backpedaled quick and apologized and apologize and tried to explain that part of the reason they moved back to Michigan was to be close for Carrie and I to help.  She got more angry. I tried to soothe.

When I got her home I quickly told dad she was REALLY MAD at me and left.  My presence wasn't helping things.  Dad would have to deal with it.  He had known I was going to try talking to her.  I felt horrible. Why had I thought talking to her about this would help? What was I going to fix? Is denial of Alzheimers such a bad thing?

A few days later we hugged it out.  And we are back to not talking about it.